


Boopadoop Sonny is trans I guess

by booyahfordham



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Coming Out, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, FTM Sonny, Gen, Panic Attacks, Trans Character, Trans Male Character, Trans!Sonny
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-30
Updated: 2017-08-30
Packaged: 2018-12-21 15:24:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 858
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11947107
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/booyahfordham/pseuds/booyahfordham
Summary: Barba finds out Sonny is trans. yeah that's it really





	Boopadoop Sonny is trans I guess

**Author's Note:**

> Just found this fic on my computer. I wrote it, probably, but I don't remember. Enjoy.

Amanda and Fin had gone home early. Fin had his son and grandson coming over, and Amanda had yet to meet the infant. They’d gone home about an hour before Olivia clocked out. Lucy had plans tonight and couldn’t stay late. One by one, the patrol officers and secretaries and janitors had filtered out.

It was still relatively early for an empty house, but the station was devoid of people except for Sonny. He was behind on paperwork. He’d spent every free moment of the last week with his family. Tommy and Bella had gotten married, and he was helping out with the baby.

He knew he should have gone into the bathroom to change, but the station was empty, and it just seemed like a waste of time. Besides, it wasn’t like he was going to be naked. He was just changing into a sweatshirt.

He stood up, taking off his vest and beginning to unbutton his shirt when he heard a sharp “Detective Carisi!” coming from his right, making him jump with anxiety.

He spun, shirt half-unbuttoned and wide open, exposing his plain white undershirt to Barba.

“Trying out a new look, are we?” Barba smirked, setting his briefcase onto the chair beside Sonny’s desk.

“Nah, I just wanted to change into something more comfy. I’m gonna be here a while tonight, so I figured I might as well.” Sonny replied, catching his breath.

“And the squad room looks like a locker room to you?” Barba dug further.

“Well, counselor, no one else was here, so I figured it’d be a waste of time to leave the room.” Sonny stated matter-of-factly.

“Well, by all means, go right ahead and change. Don’t let me stop you.” He leaned onto Sonny’s desk.

Sonny’s face got red as he searched for an excuse. He hesitated for a moment, wondering how he had gotten into this situation. “No thanks, counselor,” he began, before recognizing the joke. “I won’t subject you to that,” he finished awkwardly, trying to play along.

If Barba noticed Sonny’s anxiety at the joke, he did not comment. Instead, he just smiled and nodded. “I came to speak with Benson before she left, but if she’s not here, I’ll just come back tomorrow. Good night, detective.”

“Night, counselor.” Sonny responded, pulling his sweatshirt from his desk drawer.

As he heard the elevator ding with arrival, Sonny took off his undershirt. He went to lay it on the chair beside his desk. He looked down and realized too late that Barba had left his briefcase on the chair.

“Just realized I- ” Barba cut himself off. Sonny felt his stomach drop at the sight of Barba’s eyes starring sharply at the long, horizontal scars on his chest before Sonny quickly regained the presence of mind to throw the undershirt onto his desk and the sweatshirt over his body.

“Sorry, Carisi.” Barba stated curtly, eyes softer. “Didn’t mean to walk in on- ”

“Please don’t tell anyone.” Sonny interjected, feeling waves of anxiety rush over him. “Please, counselor. No one knows. You can’t tell anyone.” He felt dizzy, almost faint.

Barba’s mouth moved in response, but the waves crashing in Sonny’s ears drowned out the noise.

He felt his legs go weak. He sat down on the floor next to his desk, leaning against it for stability. Over and over, he wondered if Barba was still even there.

He couldn’t understand why or how the waves crashing in his ears were getting louder and closer together. He felt pressure on his shoulder and flinched before realizing that it must be Barba. He focused on the pressure trying to be calm and steady, like the weight on his shoulder. The waves in his ears began to die. He was suddenly aware of his breathing. He controlled it, catching his breath. He felt the waves get further and further apart until they went away completely.

He opened his eyes, realizing the weight on his shoulder was gone, but the presence to his right remained. Panic attacks weren’t foreign to him, but never before had he experienced one around others.

He saw Barba looking back at him, eyebrows furrowed and frown digging daggers of guilt into Sonny.

“C-counselor,” Sonny began.

“It’s okay, Sonny.” Barba cut him off. “Don’t worry about it. I shouldn’t have just walked in like that. I didn’t even think about it.”

“Please don’t tell anyone,” Sonny whispered, terrified of the inevitability of being outed to the squad.

“You really think I’d do that?” Barba responded.

Sonny felt relief and confusion flush the fear from his body. “N-no, well. No. I d- I dunno” he said, hoarsely. “I mean I… um…”

“You should think about calling it a night, Sonny. It’s getting late, and you seem like you’ve had a long day.”

Sonny smirked. “Aren’t they all?” He asked, getting a mirrored expression out of Barba. “I have to catch up on a little more paperwork, but then I’ll be outta here.”

“Get some sleep, detective.” Barba smiled and stood up, picking his briefcase off the floor.

“Thank you, Barba. Seriously.” Carisi said with a half-smile.

Barba nodded. “Goodnight, Carisi.”

“Night.”

**Author's Note:**

> Fun Fact:  
> The original ending had Barba telling Sonny that SURPRISE SURPRISE Barba is trans too!!!!!! But when I read it, I cringed. So I changed it. Hopefully, I made it less cringey, but let's be real. i wrote it. you probably cringed.
> 
> Thanks for reading.  
> If you want, you can follow me on tumblr (booyahfordham.tumblr.com or initiallyspidey.tumblr.com for my mcu blog)
> 
> -Finn


End file.
